The Death Of Common Courtesy

When I reached adulthood, married, and began to have kids of my own, inside I silently promised that I would never resort to certain phrases that drove me nuts as a youngster. Chief among them were comments from my elders that began with “Well, back in MY day….” These were usually guaranteed to be the opening salvos of rants about something current that was done better in days gone by.

For the most part, I think I did a pretty good job of staying off that particular path…..I don’t rag my kids about clothing styles, or the music they listen to (well, maybe just that once), or the TV shows they watch. However, there is one issue that does go a long way towards setting me off, one that I am quite sure has been a thorn in the side of successive generations. I’m talking about the rapidly vanishing concept known as common courtesy.

Now I firmly believe that every generation could learn a thing or two from the previous one when it comes to how we deal with each other, however, the advent of technology has made it possible for every man to indeed become an island. The more we are isolated, the more we shut each other out, the harder it becomes to relate.

The most common culprit is the cell phone, which makes us instantly accessible anywhere, any time. It is not at all uncommon for people to take a call right in the middle of conversation, effectively neutering the value of the person they were just having a conversation with. I was at a concert recently, and the cell phone went off belonging to the guy sitting behind me. Not only did he answer it, but carried on a full voice conversation for several minutes, completely oblivious to the death looks he was receiving from those in surrounding seats. A similar situation occurred a few weeks later at CHURCH. The fact that the idea of relocating to a more private location to carry on their conversation never occurred to any of these people.

As obnoxious as the cell phone can be, though, it doesn’t even begin to hold a candle to the Bluetooth (those Mr. Spock-like ear pieces that seem to be bionically attached to the wearer, since they appear unable to take them off for, well, pretty much anything). It’s pure speculation, but I would say that the distance between the unit and the mouth is the reason that most Bluetooth wearers feel the need to talk over and above their usual speaking voice, at a level that assures that anyone within a fifty yard radius is going to be intimately familiar with their conversation.

And what would any discussion on civility and courtesy be without mention of Handicapped Parking Spaces? Namely, those that are occupied by cars driven by perfectly healthy individuals who apparently feel no great need to accommodate those who might actually need the space. As the parent of a child who needed such a space for a period of several months, I was witness firsthand to such behavior, much of which I confronted (which almost always resulted in the person being embarrassed enough to move their car). My personal solution for jerks of this nature would be to simply shoot them through the kneecaps. That way they can use the parking spaces legally and I’ll feel a lot better.

Failure to return calls. It’s a simple concept, really. If your answering machine says “I’m not in right now, but leave a message and I’ll call you back”, the operative words are “I’ll call you back”. Make good on it. There is no worse business practice or personal treatment than to allow a call to go ignored (the exception to this rule is telemarketers). I was in ministry for over twenty years, and made the amazing discovery that even pastors and ministers could be among the world’s worst at returning phone calls.  For many people, leaving a message on an answering machine is much like leaving a baby in a garbage can. Either change your message to offer a little less hope of an end result, or suck it up and call people back.

When I was growing up, two phrases drilled irreversibly into my psyche were “please” and “thank you” (well there was also “yes, sir”, “no, sir” and their accompanying phrases using “ma’am”, but that’s another post). So I’m entering a restaurant the other day, and a lady is coming out at the same moment, so I hold the door and allow her to exit. And silence. Nothing. Not a thank you, an “I appreciate it”, “go screw yourself” or anything. At least the guy who lets the door slam behind him (and in your face in the process), all while offering no apology, is consistent in his actions. It really is quite simple…..if someone does something thoughtful for you, acknowledge it. Even a nod in their direction will suffice.

Yes, we have lost much in the way of civility. This is one area where I think every generation is perfectly justified in talking about what it was like “back in their day”.

The choice is quite simple....you can remain an obnoxious, non-contributing zero, or you can try a few random acts of kindness today…..just for the heck of it. I think you’ll be surprised at just how much it does for you….